I should’ve written this before this topic became the sexiest topic in the world. But, I guess it’s better late than never? Sometimes? Well, I’m going to consider that this is one of those times.

I’m sure that you have come across an Instagram or TikTok post or read a book or an article or listened to a TED talk that is motivating you to accept your failures or mistakes as part of what makes you who you are. Quotes about how if you don’t do mistakes you don’t do anything. Or arguments about how failure is important for you and it’s all about how you look at it. People telling you that failure is actually a good thing.
”It’s not the falling down that counts. It’s the getting up.”
”If at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again.”
Well, if you are a brain surgeon, I’m sorry. You must have a very shitty time with all this. Good luck.

As a matter of fact, I have good news and bad news for you. Which one do you want me to start with? Okay, I’m not actually waiting for you to answer. You are reading this way after I have written it. So it doesn’t work in this case. I’ll start with the one that makes reading this the most pleasant. In this case, I’ll start with the good news. I agree to all that. Somehow. Now… The bad news is that the whole logic of that - the arguments, the reasons, the approach, etc - I don’t agree with at all.

Those who know me, know that I approach life as a craft. When we are put in certain situations, we have a set of tools and the skills to know how to use those tools to deal with such situations. I’m a very hands-on, practical guy (even if I sound ”spiritual” at times. Yes, that is by design indeed. I think that being spiritual and having a hands-on practical approach to things aren’t mutually exclusive, though we’ll have to talk about what “spiritual” means. Anyway…). So my approach to mistakes and failure is less “Let’s hold hands and sing kumbaya” and more of an action-based approach. It is less about being optimistic or having a positive outlook to life and more about being realistic and dealing with what you have at hand. And of course, a lot of it comes from the world of improv.

The first time I started thinking about his is when I heard one of our improvisational theater (improv) trainers say “In improv, there are no mistakes. Only gifts.” That was at a time when I was very young with my fascination in improv. It was a time when I was still just learning how improv can also be used in life and change your life (I am not telling you to improvise in life, even if I do that myself. Advance at your own risk). And then, just when I failed to make sense out of how that relates to life, I did what I always do; I went back to look at it from the perspective of improv.

So as you very well know, there are no scripts in improv, no set characters, no directions. Basically no reference whatsoever as to what to do. And here’s the first catch. If there are no references of… mmm… “right” and “wrong”, how would you know you made a mistake? If there is not set goal you are trying to reach, how do you know you failed? I thought about all these and then I thought to myself what a great start!

I kept going to dig deeper into it. So we do have some guidelines as to the best practices in improv. We do have rules of games. We do have formats or frames within which we play. Okay, sure. They are not strict and you can always color outside the lines without a lot at risk, but what do you do in the case of what seems like a mistake? A big part of the answer is in that question. When something seems like a mistake, you’re probably comparing it with things that are not improv. I usually call those things “the outside world” in my workshops. When we enter the world of improv, a paradigm shift is required as to how we define things. The same words, especially conceptual, non-tangible ones mean different things in the world of improv. But, for the sake of making things simpler, let’s just say that you did use the outside world as a reference and you did what is known as a “mistake” in the outside world in improv, how do you deal with it?

Well, the first step is to take yourself out of that outside world. The best way to do that is to accept what seems to be a failure as part of the vocabulary and the game in the world of improv. After acceptance, and since we are programmed to reject and hate failures, you will need to make something radical. Something like embracing that “mistake” or “failure”. Knowing that you are in a different world where mistake and failures don’t exist is not enough. Embracing it is a faster way to make peace with its existence. If you don’t make peace with its existence you won’t be able to do the next step. The next step is transforming the failure or mistake into exactly what you need right now, even if you didn’t know you needed it. Okay, okay. Relax. I know. It’s a complicated sentence. Let me break it down. First of all, you are taking an action, doing something, putting an effort in this step. Second, you are changing a situation into anther one. And not only are you transforming it into something “positive” or “good”, but you are transforming it into exactly what you need right now. And finally, sometimes, you don’t even know that that is the thing you need the most before the mistake or failure happens. So easy, no? Acknowledge, embrace, transform.

After that, translating this to the “outside world” or to life became easier. I know I have to get my hands dirty with it if I am to transform it and not just have happy thoughts about it. It also helps if you see life as The Big Improv. But again, don’t come to me all angry about how you couldn’t ”Acknowledge. Embrace. Transform” your mistake while diffusing a bomb.